Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
