im drinking this country out of the recession.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
