She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
