I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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