uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
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