i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
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