you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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