He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
