his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
