you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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