it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
