What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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