just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
