Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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