the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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