she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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