i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Randomize