i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
