Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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