The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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