Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
