I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize