my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
