Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
