Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
