Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
