Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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