The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
