Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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