just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
