I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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