im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Randomize
