If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
My pussy is not your playground.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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