Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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