My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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