The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
