he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
