Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize