He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
