Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Randomize