i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize