i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
