Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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