Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
50% drunk capacity currently
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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