did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
