Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
