I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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