I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
