I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
