We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
