shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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