WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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