All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
