I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
