I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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