I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
