He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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