....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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