So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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