shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I would fuck him just for his dog
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
