My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
