i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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