Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
