sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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