Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
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