there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
