You really coming over, don't trick.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
