I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
